So there’s this website called MyHeritage.com, and they’ve got this face recognition program, word of which has been going around the Internet. Basically, you’re supposed to plug in your picture, and they’ll tell you which celebrities you most resemble. I’m not sure how accurate it is—one of my top matches was Jacky Cheung. Flattering, but, um, no. Still, I figured I’d let it take a whack at casting the big-budget Hollywood musical about the Second Viennese School I’ve always dreamed of. Here’s what it came up with. No fooling.
Arnold Schwarzenegger as Arnold Schoenberg
Felicity Huffman as Alban Berg
Billie Joe Armstrong as Anton Webern
I’d definitely pay—what is it now? Nine-fifty?—to see that. I can’t wait for the scene where, after the disastrous test screening of Pierrot Lunaire, Webern saves the day by coming up with the idea of having Berg dub Jean Hagen’s vocals.